Treasured Relationships LLC

Newsletter, November 12, 2015

In This Issue:

*     Scheduling Problems with the Online Calendar, FIXED (I think)
*     Valentines Day Special, extended
*     Website upgrade and challenges: There’s a marriage lesson in there somewhere!


Scheduling Problems with the Online Calendar

If you have been trying to set an appointment with me during the past 3 weeks and have run into difficulties, I apologize!  There was a problem with my software, which seems to be fixed now.  Still, I remain a bit cautious until I am certain everything is working as it should again.  As far as I have been able to determine, I didn’t actually miss connecting with anyone.  But some of us sure did have some challenges to work around!

Any time things don’t seem to work correctly, please send me an email at:  When you send an email to me at this address, I get a notification directly on my cell phone within a few minutes.  I will respond as soon as possible.

Here’s what happened:  I upgraded my website hosting platform and then started getting notifications that people were scheduling times with me.  But there was no contact information for these people: no names, email addresses, phone numbers.  No way for me to contact them.  Nothing.

It’s worse: Many of these appointments were not even during my available time slots.  Some were in the middle of the night, some overlapped other commitments, and sometimes I got the appointment notifications after the time had passed.

If any of those appointment requests were with you, please understand that it was confusing and disappointing to both of us.  I was not ignoring you!  I love technology when it is working correctly.  When it does not work well, not so much…

Another problem that has surfaced with the transition to the new software:

The other problem I have identified, and have not yet solved, is a false failure notice that only affects active clients.  When you fill out a form in your private client portal, and then click the “save and share with coach” button, you may get a notice that the form did not go to me.  If that happens, don’t worry.  I also get a notice when you attempt to send me a form, so I can go into the system and manually download it.  This is just an inconvenience, not a crisis.  Not to worry, I will figure this new software out and will get it all running smoothly soon.  Thanks for your patience!


Valentine's Day Special – extended time to sign up!

Relax gentlemen, you have not missed Valentine’s Day!  But this is a perfect time to plan for your best Valentine’s Day ever, and I have a suggestion:  Make Valentine’s Day of 2016 the best one ever by making your marriage stronger!

With Valentine's Day now only 3 months away, I am continuing the offer that I made last month: until all the “seats” are full, the offer stands.

Here are the details, in case you missed it or just didn’t get around taking action yet: 

Building a great marriage is almost never something that just automatically happens.  Our society seems to teach us that if you only choose the right marriage partner, you will live happily ever after.  You will have perfect harmony, will never disagree, and will connect intimately on so many wonderful levels every day.  Ah, if only that were true!  Since we live in the real world, instead of a fairy tale land, the truth is that great marriages depend far less on who we marry than on what the two of us do as husband and wife.  Think of marriage as a verb: it is something you do.  How you "do marriage" directly impacts the quality of the relationship.

So, would you like to have the best Valentine's Day ever with your mate?  Would you just love to give your marriage a real boost in being the marriage you have always wanted?  Would you like for your marriage to meet your deepest needs and bring fulfillment and joy to both your lives?  Do you want this for your children as well, understanding that your marriage will have a profound impact on their future lives?

If your answer is "yes", I want you to know that it is within your reach to have a more fulfilling, fun, and intimate relationship.

You and your spouse can communicate better, resolve conflict more easily, and solve problems as a team (instead of as opponents)!

The two of you can appreciate and understand your differences.  Men and women are different.  We think differently and express ourselves differently.  At the core we want the same things in spite of the fact that we go about it all so very differently!  Yes, gentlemen, you can understand your wife.  But first you have to realize that she does not think like you.  She is not just like a guy, except in a much nicer package.  So don’t get frustrated and shut down when she doesn’t respond and think like you!  (And, ladies, the same thing applies for you.  He’s not a woman!  If he is not as sensitive as you, there’s a reason.  He's a man.)  Once husbands and wives start understanding their differences and working together, it is an entirely different situation!  You can…

Resolve unfulfilled expectations.

Deepen your commitment to each other.

Experience true forgiveness and the restoration of intimacy.

Preserve and protect your friendship.

Enhance your sex life.

Develop strategies to keep your relationship strong, for as long as you both shall live.

And so much more!  In short, you can "do marriage" the way God designed it to be done.  And, yes, I can guide you to understand each other, and understand God’s design and purpose for marriage.  When we do marriage God’s way, it can be the closest thing you will ever experience to heaven on earth.  When we don’t do it God’s way…  Well, you get the point.

The special "Valentine's Day Package" for new clients (individuals or couples) is designed to ensure that your Valentine’s Day will be truly special in 2016.  Right now there are still 3 of those spots available.  So there is still time for you, if you act quickly!

Just to be clear, this offer is not for a group coaching program.  Each of these individuals and couples will work separately with me, 3 times per month for 4 months.  They will have my undivided attention, just the two or three of us meeting on the phone (or over the internet via Skype) for 4 full months from the time each of them start.  There will be no need to travel anywhere, and my system works the same even when the husband is in one location, the wife in another, and I am in a third location.  We can be in different states, or even different countries, and this works.  I will provide easy instructions to use my system.

Between sessions, I will provide worksheets, reading materials, scriptures to read and reflect on, forms and questionnaires, etc. as your "homework" to keep you focused and moving forward.  You will have a secure log-in to your private section on my website, where much of the materials will be provided.  Other materials will be provided by email, or if a book is needed it will come to you in the mail or as a download to read on your computer, tablet, or phone.  You will also have unlimited email support from me, and four additional "bonus sessions" to be used whenever you need them, during the 4 month program or within the next 4 months.  The program will be unique to you, because you are not like everyone else.  It will be designed, week by week, to specifically address your challenges and the areas you are ready to work on.  You will benefit from everything I’ve learned about building great relationships and following God's design for marriage, after more than 35 years of helping couples like you.

Enrollment is limited so that I can give you my full attention.  I will work diligently to help in every way possible as you develop the marriage of your dreams, and quite possibly a marriage that far exceeds the best you can even imagine.  My role is to serve as your coach in this process.  I will guide you, step by step, to make specific and strategic changes in how you “do marriage” together.  When you do things differently, you will start having different results fairly quickly.

Now is the time to get started so that your Valentine’s Day will be truly special.  It takes 2-4 weeks to start seeing positive changes, and about 4 months to “complete” the process.  (We are never fully complete in this growing process, but at a certain point you will no longer need my help.  When you are ready to continue growing your marriage without help, you have completed this process.)  Isn’t that much better than staying stuck in one place as time marches on?

To set up a free "strategy session", you can go to my website ( ) and sign up for one of my available time slots.  I will then send you an email with instructions about the options available to you to connect either by phone or over the internet.  I look forward to meeting you and working with you.


Website Upgrade and Challenges: There’s a marriage lesson in there somewhere!

I have already told you about the frustrating challenges of upgrading the Treasured Relationships website.  The fact is that most of it has worked perfectly, but I have been struggling with the parts that have not.  Once I get the “bugs worked out” with the new website platform, I am sure it will be a huge improvement, so it is actually exciting.  This is just like real life: most of the time when we move into something new, there are adjustments to be made.  It is both exciting and frustrating.  A lot of the time we get focused on the frustrating part and miss the joy of the good things.

As I type this, I am very much aware that the same principle exists when we make changes in a relationship.  When things are not going so well, it can be a mess.  But it is our own mess, we know what to expect, and on some levels we don’t want to change even when we know that we need to.  We get comfortable living in the mess, so we resist change.  It’s human nature to resist change.

So often there are just one or two minor tweaks that need to be made to move a marriage from being “stuck” to moving towards “wonderful.”  I have seen many couples who were at the point of wanting to just give up until they tried one little thing differently and that change triggered a whole cycle of other improvements.  There’s not much that feels worse in an intimate relationship than the frustration that comes when you know you could have a great marriage with this person you love so dearly, and yet you are totally stuck.  What a mess.

Sometimes I don’t see the one or two little things that need changing when I first meet a new couple.  It may take a few weeks of working together to figure it out.  But soon the picture starts coming together and I am able to guide them to make small changes that get them moving in the right direction.  And then we focus on the task of taking one step after another in the process of helping them build the marriage of their dreams.

When a couple finally gets out of the rut they have been stuck in, we call that a breakthrough.  It does not fix everything right away, but it gets them moving in that direction.  Once moving forward, the changes get easier and easier to make because they are no longer stuck in one spot.  Their frustration melts away, leaving joy and an awareness that they can overcome practically anything together.  That is the way marriage is supposed to work!  This is not always automatic for people, and it does require some work.  Things in life that are truly worthwhile generally require effort, don’t they?

In closing, I want to leave you with a challenge.  If you need to make different choices concerning your most important relationships (and start having entirely different results), let’s talk.  Give me 45 to 60 minutes of your time.  By asking specific questions and listening carefully to your answers, I can get a pretty good idea of what would benefit you the most.  Armed with that understanding, I will then take a day or two to put together a plan tailored specifically for your situation, for you to consider.  If counseling is what is needed, I can make a referral, since I no longer do that.  If some combination of relationship skills training and relationship coaching would be most effective, I can help you with that.  If relationship coaching is what you really need, but for some reason my approach is not a good fit for you, I can refer you to another coach.  Starting into this process, you will see significant improvements within 30 days; and within about 4 months your life will be dramatically different.

If your relationship is great, but someone you know is struggling, please pass this offer on to them.

Here’s the way to take advantage of this offer:  Go to my website at and in the right-hand column you will see a drawing of a calendar and a clock.  Click there and follow the on-screen steps to select one of my available blocks of time for us to meet.  As soon as you lock in one of those available time slots, it will disappear from the list.  That keeps me from getting double-booked.  Then I will send you an email with details for how we can meet either over the phone or over the internet.

For married couples, it is best (but not essential) for both the husband and the wife to participate in the initial meeting as well as the ongoing coaching sessions.  I encourage you to try to select a time that works for both of you.  Also, if none of the “available time slots” on my calendar work for you, please send an email to me at with some suggestions of when would work well for you.  I can meet in the evenings, or early in the morning if needed.  Taking me up on this offer could be your first strategic decision and step to improving your life, marriage, and other significant relationships. 


Marriage tip from the scriptures: 2nd Corinthians 5:17

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.”

Many people today have placed their faith in Christ and yet are still making life choices that ignore the directions God provides for life.  It’s a bit like getting born but never growing into adulthood; or like trying to drive a car that has no engine.  Is it time to let the past go and move forward in newness of life? 


Questions or comments?

Email me privately at with any questions, comments, etc. Or go to the website and book a time for us to “meet” over the phone or internet. You select one of my available time slots, and I will send you the details of how we can connect live. I meet this way with people in Australia, Canada, Egypt, and a bunch of US states.  So it really doesn’t matter how far away you are from Wilmington, NC.  I am here to serve you, and I wish you well.


1.    I am always looking for opportunities to assist pastors and church leaders with their ministries.  My interest and calling is to help build healthy relationships anywhere that I can be used by God.  So, please let your church leadership know.  For churches close by, I am available to come in and teach classes, lead workshops or retreats, speak at special events, preach, etc.

2.    As an ordained Southern Baptist minister, professional Pastoral Counselor, and Clinical Chaplain, any confidential information you might share with me is covered under pastoral confidentiality.  What you share with me will never be shared with others, unless you ask me to do so (for example: to intervene on your behalf).

3.    Please tell others about this ministry!  If you know anyone who might be able to benefit from this my work, ask them to check out the website.  They can also schedule a free, no-obligation, 1-hour consult with me right on the website by clicking on one of my available time slots in the online calendar.  I will then send them the details about how we can "meet" in real time via the telephone or internet.  The days of having to drive across town for appointments are over, and I have embraced technology that makes this more effective and more convenient at the same time.

4.    Welcome to new members of the Treasured Relationships community!

5.    I send the Treasured Relationships newsletter to you twice each month.  I hope you will stick with us, and that you will find the content beneficial.  I also hope that you will allow me to help you as needed, and encourage others you know to get plugged in as well.  I personally answer all email, so send me your questions, thoughts, concerns, suggestions, whatever.  But, of course, you can unsubscribe at any time and your request will be honored.

6.    Your contact information is never shared, period.  I hate spam just as much as you do.  If there is something that I think you would appreciate, I may suggest that you sign up for it and can provide the link in this newsletter. 


Dave Wilder 


 Treasured Relationships LLC: "Helping couples relate well, build fulfilling relationships and experience marriage as God designed it to be!"

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